Blended Families Theology in the Trenches By Kathleen Kjolhaug “YOU have a blended family, Kathy.”
The bold statement was bestowed upon me one day. Unsolicited, it was proclaimed as if to point out something of which I was not aware. Truth is, I wasn’t aware because, you see, I had never paused long enough to grab hold of this thought, much less feel as though my family needed a label to be what it was. We were who we were and like most, we were just trying to blend in and make our way in the world without being of it.
We had recently adopted, and now, as far as another was concerned, we were a blended family. In all honesty, we were. However, at that time, I had chosen to look at it as if it were a strength and not a diagnosis. We’d chosen to enjoy the bonding process and intentionally did not see it as something needing a therapeutic approach. Truth is—everything must be blended before the finished product can be completed and we were in the process of mixing and shaking before the blending and bonding could even begin to take root.
Maybe denial is a recipe for disaster, but it worked at the time. One more label, one more class to go to, one more opinion about surmounting obstacles not yet seen did not appear remotely appealing. After all, we were in the honeymoon stages of exploring the beauty of the process so it took me aback that others couldn’t see through my rosy tinted glasses. That word, blended, came to mind recently as I stood in church with my husband arm in arm. You see, we soul blended many years back and it continues to this day. By soul blending, I mean we blended traditions within our marriage.
We are Christians—uniting as one in Him. Each of us are not merely from our tradition, but truly love and honor the truths we’ve been taught as understood through His Word. Now—before you shut the faucet off from this conversation— let’s just go with the flow for now, if you will.
When I speak of soul blending, I speak of due respect, honor, and dignity we give one another towards our faith traditions. Rather than looking at it as something needing fixing, we look at it through the lens of sharing what the other has to offer. We look at it through the lens of sharing our faith with one another, rather than fixing what the other might be lacking. And, as I pondered this thought, I came up with a few points which have anchored.
• We unite under one roof which means we do not speak ill of the other’s tradition. Rather, we desire to grow in appreciation of.
• We adhere to Biblical Truth and seek to better understand the other so as not to bear false witness which can so easily divide. We openly question and discuss presuppositions the other might have.
• We pray together.
• When we attend services within his tradition, we pray elbow to elbow, and when we attend services within my tradition, we pray elbow to elbow.
• We are in agreement that it is all about Him and not about us—and thus—there is peace.
• We believe in the value of the saints who have gone before us—and thus—the church fathers continue to speak with wisdom and grace through His Word as He holds fast.
He leadeth me—He leadeth you. Why? He leads because He can see the panoramic view from the throne of grace. He is on the throne and we are not. There can be no blending in this area. No—it’s all He and not me. It’s all He and not we.
“Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord our maker,” says Psalm 95:6.
Because when we do, “He makes all things new” (Rev. 21:5)—including our view.
“And then he said, ‘Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.’” Amen.
