Dear Mildred, I am writing for advice as it’s the day after a family gathering. The anticipation was fun, but the expectations sorta crashed off course as the ship began to sink. I know it will eventually rise; it always does as grace upon grace is the beauty of life lived out. However, it’s the in between the sinking and the rising that gets the best of me.
You see, I’m the mother of a pile of kids who now have a pile of their own. Every so oft one pulls in the opposite direction from another and that would be normal, no doubt. After all, God created good works for each of us long before we were born. The freedom to be able to live our lives accordingly, seems to me, should be easier than it tis.
In other words, we all just wanna get along but the problems seem to arise out of the depths of the deep uninvited. I thought that by the time we had the grands, we might actually be able to just be grandpa and grandma rather than mediate the unmet needs that arise like a waft of volcanic ash just waiting to hit midair. What would you suggest?
Please help.
- Seeker of Peace Dear Seeker of Peace, What you experience with a larger family would be normal. That is the human predicament.
The verse in Ephesians 4:29 comes to mind as a recommendation on how to begin sending a positive message for all who enter in. “Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
It’s worth considering. Setting boundaries is healthy. I heard it said that one professional organization had a rule. If you desired to make changes that were healthy within the company, you had to pass any complaint “up” the line— back to someone who could do something about it. The rule went on to say that if you passed it down the line to others, you would be fired because it would be considered gossip—which tears at the fabric of any organization whether it be professional or family.
You can’t exactly “fire” family, but you can encourage a healthier process among those who enter into the sacred space. I also heard it said that as Christians, it is our job to “Believe the best of others.” In other words, “grace upon grace” as spoken of in John 1:16.
Seeker of Peace, I want to let you know that miracles are messy and you want your messy miracle. Give each one entering in, back to God as they are His. Trust! He has a plan. He says in Matt. 5:9 that “Blessed are the peacemakers.” May you teach well how to be one. “Count it all joy,” says James 1:2 and in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says, “Give thanks in all circumstances.” I believe if you begin with this, you will find not only peace, but you will see Psalm 78:4 come to life as it brings life. “…we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders He has done.”
Please feel free to contact me any time.
God bless and please know you are in my prayers.
- Mildred
